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So far
in his letter Paul has primarily been writing
about what we might call spiritual things. But,
the Christian and Messianic Jewish life is also
about what we might call earthly or physical things.
The physical and the spiritual are designed to
work together. We must be right in the area of
spiritual things, and we must be right in the
area of physical things.
The Rabbi
from Tarsus has written about spiritual relationships:
our relationship with the Three-In-One God; the
new relationship that exists in the New Covenant
Community between Jews and Gentiles; and how the
saints are to relate to each other within Messiah’s
Holy Community. Now he addressed other relationships
that have to do with other important relationship
to human beings on Earth.
First
is the relationship between husband and wife.
With the divorce rate around 50%, and the out-of-marriage
birthrate high, particularly in the African-American
community, we need to embrace God’s principles
for marriage more than ever. Wives, be subject
to your own husbands, as to the Lord.
The relationship
between husband and wife is to be a married and
fully committed for life secure, faithful relationship,
not an uncommitted out of marriage, no covenant
relationship, easy divorce when things get unpleasant
or difficult kind or relationship.
The relationship
between husband and wife is a relationship between
a man and a woman, not a man and a man or a woman
and a woman.
The relationship
between husband and wife is not a relationship
in which they have equal power and authority.
It is
a relationship in which the woman is submitted
to the man - not the man to the woman.
It is
a relationship in which the wife is submitted
to her husband in the very same way that she is
submitted to the Lord.
Our relationship to the Lord is one of subject
and ruler. He makes the rules. He makes the decisions.
We obey those rules and decisions. We don’t
tell the Lord what to do. He tells us what to
do.
Why should
a woman obey her man in the same way that she
obeys the Lord? Because God has designed the authority
structure within the marriage relationship between
man and woman with the very same kind of authority
structure that exists between Messiah and all
of His followers - Lord and subject.
Gamliel’s
greatest student emphases this teaching again:
For the husband is the head of the wife, as
Messiah also is the head of the church. The
husband is the head, the leader in the marriage
relationship, in the same kind of way that Messiah
is the leader of those who have been called out
from dying mankind to experience salvation. Messiah
is the head of the church. He is in control. He
is in charge. He leads. He directs. His leadership
is not completely shared with us as equals. He
may give a measure of authority to us over certain
limited areas of responsibility, but that is His
decision - not ours. We don’t fully and
equally share His authority. If we have authority,
it is because it is delegated authority. His leadership
should never be challenged by us.
In the
same way that we relate to the Messiah as our
leader, the wife is to relate to her husband as
her leader. He is in charge. He is in control.
His leadership is not to be challenged. He leads,
guides, directs. His leadership is not equally
shared with his wife. He assigns the various areas
of responsibility to him and his wife.
It’s
not easy to submit to a leader who is selfish,
difficult, mean and inconsiderate. But that is
not the kind of leader that Messiah is, and that
makes it easy for us to submit to His leadership.
He Himself being the Savior of the body.
In my opinion, in the recent history of the United
States, we have not had great leaders. We don’t
understand the willingness to serve, to obey,
to sacrifice that comes to people who know that
they are following a great leader. We don’t
know the excitement that comes from following
a great man.
But our
leader is a great leader. Messiah Yeshua is not
cruel, selfish, or tyrannical. He does not use
and then discard people. In fact, it is just the
opposite. He is the kind of leader who is the
Savior of the body - the body being the community
of His followers, Jews and Gentiles who He has
rescued from the powerful and terrible forces
of sin and death. He is a good and kind and merciful
and wise and courageous and selfless leader; a
leader who understood our greatest needs, better
than we understood them, and knew exactly where
we needed help and saving the most, and then personally
volunteered and entered into the midst of a terrible
battle to rescue us from certain destruction.
That is the kind of leader that is a pleasure
to follow, to serve, to submit to, to yield to,
to obey, and that is the kind of leader that we
have. And, that is the kind of leader that men
need to be to their wives.
What is
the nature of the wife submitting to her husband?
She is to be subject to him in what areas? Limited
areas? He has his areas of authority and she has
her autonomous independent areas of authority?
But as the church (the called out ones,
who form the community of saints made up of Jews
and Gentiles) is subject to Messiah, so also
the wives ought to be to their husbands in everything.
In everything
- which includes decisions where they are to live.
In everything
- which includes the responsibilities around the
home.
In everything
- which includes dealing with the children.
In everything
- which includes work.
In everything
- in spite of what our culture says.
In everything
- in spite of what radical feminists say.
In everything
- in spite of what your girlfriends say.
What if
I am mad at him? What if I don’t like him?
In everything - in spite of what you are feeling
about him.
Woman,
if your husband is making a bad decision, you
can tell him, and warn him, and make your displeasure
known - to an appropriate degree, but the final
decision is ultimately up to him. Sarah did this.
She obeyed her husband, and acknowledged Abraham
as her lord. Today’s women are to be no
different.
The only
exceptions in the area of submission is obeying
him in things that are wrong, immoral, or illegal.
Then, you have a higher duty to obey the Lord,
and you have a responsibility to resist your husband
in those areas.
“Being
subject to” characterizes the woman’s
relationship to her husband. And the concept that
is to characterize the husband’s relationship
to his wife is love. Husbands, love your wives.
Love is the desire to help another, to bless,
do good to some other being. Love really helps
the one who is loved. But to really someone, you
must know what is good, what is right, what will
really help the one you love. Only then will you
be able to do what will really help.
Husbands,
cultivate the desire to help that beautiful creature
that the Lord has entrusted to your care. You
must know the truth, and know what is good for
your wife. You must study her and learn how to
best help her. You must know her needs, and help
her meet those needs. Men, it’s not always
easy or convenient, and you may not always want
to give more of your time and energy to your wife,
but since she is one of your very highest priorities,
you probably need to, and with God’s help
and grace, you can do it!
Love is
sacrificial. If you genuinely love someone, you
are willing to diminish yourself so that they
might become more; you are willing to have harm
come to yourself so that the object of your love
will be safe. That is the way a man needs to love
his woman. Husbands, love your wives, just
as Messiah also loved the church and gave Himself
up for her.
The church,
which not a building, but the community of believers,
the holy ones, those separated from this dying
sinful world, and set apart to love the Lord -
we are like the wife, and Messiah is like our
husband.
Men,
Yeshua is our God-ordained leader who is the example
that we look to regarding the way we are to love
our wives. Messiah became our Savior at great
cost to Himself - giving up the honors of Heaven,
becoming a weak human being, submitting Himself
to many inconveniences and the indignities of
being a human being, enduring rejection by the
majority of the leaders of the Chosen Nation,
experiencing injustice, torture and a cruel and
painful death. That is how He became the Savior
of the body. That is the kind of leader Messiah
is. That is how He loved us. And that is how we
are to love our wives - with a “gave Himself
up for her” kind of love. Men, ask yourself
these questions: What will be best for her? What
does she like? What does she want? What would
please her. What would benefit it the most?
That “giving
Himself up for her” kind of love accomplished
what we so desperately needed - atonement, forgiveness,
salvation, redemption, reconciliation with God.
But Messiah did more for us. We also needed something
else. Yes, we desperately needed salvation, but
we also needed sanctification. We needed a restoration
to genuine holiness. So, our great and wise leader
not only sacrificially died for us, but He also
taught us many things so that we could live a
pure and holy life.
So
that He might sanctify her, having cleansed her
by the washing of water with the word, that He
might present to Himself the church in all her
glory, having no spot or wrinkle or any such thing;
but that she would be holy and blameless.
I summarize this section in three words - sanctification
through education.
Humanity
is not only dead in our trespasses and sins, and
headed to Hell, but we are spiritually and morally
dirty, defiled, filthy and impure. We are repulsive
to the infinitely pure and holy God, this Supreme
Being who has such an amazing purity that He can
tolerate nothing impure, so that anything impure
that gets too close to the Holy One of Israel
is incinerated.
One of
our greatest needs is to become holy, to be sanctified,
to be cleansed; to have all the hideous moral
and spiritual spots and blemishes removed; all
the sins and guilt and the things worthy of judgment
and blame resulting in divine punishment, removed.
Sanctification,
becoming more holy, more separate from sin, more
separated to accomplish the purposes of the Holy
One, comes through spiritual education. Truth,
good teaching, sound doctrine cleanses, washes,
purifies, and sanctifies us. As the sons and daughters
of God study the Word of God, and hear the truth
being taught, the Holy Spirit helps us understand
what is right and good and pleasing to God, and
He inspires us, and strengthens us to do what
is right, and refuse to do what is wrong.
The result
of us, along with the Spirit of God who lives
in us, interacting with the teachings of the Law,
the Prophets, the Writings, and particularly the
teachings of the Messiah, is the washing away
of our moral and spiritual dirt.
Messiah
is the greatest teacher. He understood the Torah,
the Prophets and the Writings better than any
other sage or rabbi or wise man in Israel. He
taught us the way to understand and apply the
Tenach. He gave us His own teachings that give
great light and truth. Are you familiar with Him
and His teachings?
Messiah
suffered and died for us. And Messiah taught us.
His suffering and death made atonement, reconciliation
with God, the attaining of eternal life possible.
His teaching ministry made sanctification and
growth in holiness possible. He did these great
things because He loved us. He wanted fallen human
beings - Jews and Gentiles, you and I, to be His
friends and close companions throughout eternity.
He did not want an ugly, dirty bride, but a clean
and beautiful and honorable companion that will
be fit for Himself, the holy Son of God.
This same
kind of love and care that educates and elevates
and helps her reach her potential, and be as beautiful
and holy as she can be, is to characterize the
way a man loves his woman. A man needs to plan
the life of his family in such a way that his
wife’s needs for elevation and exaltation
are being addressed.
Men, we
are motivated to love our wives as we look to
the Messiah, and try to love our wives the same
way He loves us - with sacrificial love. But,
there is another motivation to love our wives,
and that is self-interest. The more we love our
wives the more we benefit ourselves! So husbands
ought also to love their own wives as their own
bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself;
for no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes
and cherishes it.
Normal,
healthy people take care of their bodies. They
feed themselves, wash themselves, clothe themselves
so they are protected from the elements. If they
are sick, they go to a doctor to get proper treatment.
Men,
when you make that commitment and marry that woman,
she becomes part of you. The two become one. You
are besar echad - one flesh. You are not longer
two separate individuals, but two individuals
who merge and form a team, a unit. If she suffers,
you suffer. If she is unhappy, you will be unhappy.
But if she is happy, she will make you happy.
If she is spiritually weak, she will drag you
down. But if she is strong, she will encourage
and strengthen you. So, out of self-interest,
if you want your life to be better, love her!
Spend time with her, talk to her, be with her,
do things that she likes to do, bless her.
Messiah
treats those of us who are part of His body in
the same way. Just as Messiah also does the church,
because we are members of His body. Because of
the activity of the Three-In-One God, we have
been joined to Messiah. We are part of His body,
His set apart community of human beings. Be are
part of Him. We belong to Him. Therefore He lovingly
nourishes and cherishes and takes care of us.
The sage
from Tarsus quotes from the Torah about marriage:
For this reason a man shall leave his father
and mother and shall be joined to his wife, and
the two shall become one flesh. We know this
- that the man and the woman become a unified,
loving team, but Paul has something more in mind.
This mystery is great; but I am speaking with
reference to Messiah and the church. Something
tremendous has taken place. Instead of being far
from God, alienated from the Source of Life and
Goodness, in rebellion against the King of the
universe, because of what God the Father and Messiah
His Son and the Spirit of the Father and the Son
have done has enabled the redeemed followers of
Yeshua to have the closest kind of relationship
with Messiah, like the close and intimate and
loving relationship between a man and his woman.
We now have a new closeness, and sharing of intimacy
and love and friendship and unity and nature and
Spirit that is amazing and wonderful and precious.
Paul concludes
this area of relationship with these words: Nevertheless,
each individual among you also is to love his
own wife even as himself, and the wife must see
to it that she respects her husband. There
is something that God has designed into the nature
of the male of our species that wants to lead,
and to have his leadership respected. And, there
is something that God has designed into the nature
of the female of the species that wants to be
loved.
Wives,
respect the authority of your husband. Wives,
submit, and acknowledge your man as the wonderful
head that God has given to you, and he will love
you. Men, love your wives. Do what is best for
them. Think of their well-being. Make that the
basis for your decisions.
Do this,
and you will have a good marriage, a successful
marriage, a marriage that lasts, a marriage that
will form the foundation for raising godly children,
and a marriage that will shine like a light in
the darkness amongst the crumbling marriages in
our society.
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